I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
