it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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