The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
