You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
