There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
