Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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