I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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