I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just high enough for therapy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
