Already got asked if we're dating
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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