I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
