YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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