I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize