Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
