how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
