While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
