Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Rumble strips road head = magical
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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