it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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