he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A bitchslap is in order.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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