I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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