What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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