Don't you send me to vm
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
