i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
