I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
