I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
