oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
