so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
