stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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