how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
