And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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