shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
