Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
