i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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