Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
