Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
