i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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