i permit you to call me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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