Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
