as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
