I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
