3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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