she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
