The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
