Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
jump out the window naked night went bad
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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