he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize