if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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