I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
