Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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