bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
