I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
