What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
