and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
