and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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