yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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