I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize