Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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