Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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