Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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