I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Floor bacon is actually really good
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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