mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
