$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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