I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize