3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
