Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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