Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
