your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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