My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
