we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
