So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
