i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
