Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dick very happy bro
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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