Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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