She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
