it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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