I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
