Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize