Swine flu. Run for my life!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
