I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
