funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
