Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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