I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
