that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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