Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
