I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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