I wanna bring you to show and tell
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
