I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
