Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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