Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You smell like stripper and shame
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
