The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
