I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
