Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
